"Forget it. I don't like kids. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid."

So Cinderella skipped the ball and asked her fairy godmother to make her the
first woman president.

The secret of life is breathe in, breathe out.

Why is it when a guy talks dirty to a girl, it's harassment and when a girl talks dirty to
a guy, it's $3.99 a minute!

- What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?
- Bob.

Time flies when you're sick & psychotic.

Mrs. Manson: What do you see in the picture, Daria?
Daria: Um... a herd of beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.
Mrs. Manson: Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people.
Daria: Last time I took one of these tests they told me they were clouds. They said
they could be whatever I wanted.
Mrs. Manson: That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're people and you tell me
what they're discussing.
Daria: Oh... I see. All right, then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing... a herd of
beautiful wild ponies running free across the plains.

You are now entering Lawndale: IQ limits strictly enforced.